#107 It’s called prison SUPPORT folks!

March 24, 2010 at 4:24 pm Leave a comment

It’s called Prison SUPPORT folks…

See, this is the reason why I don’t like sharing stuff on prison support sites…

I have not been online in a day or so, and this morning I decided to get on and before I check my emails, to see about some posts I had made the last few days.

I had gotten a request to rejoin a site called Families of prisoners, one of some groups on Daily Strength, and having gone back there, I posted several of my older blogs to help stimulate discussion and help people understand what prison is about, and how they might be able to overcome.

But I remember the last time I left this same site was about a year ago, when one or two people felt that the Good Lord shined on them and told them to get on one of my posts and argue what I have been saying.

Note to people like that, there IS a difference between discuss and argue…I’ll get to that later.

Anyway, after going back to post there, I put up one “retro” blog that somebody felt it necessary to criticize. I told you guys about that post, so if you are curious about it, jump back a few blogs and you might catch up with it (if you are currently reading on my prison blog site).

Well, today I go back and there are a couple of more comments, and I knew that the tone was negative, rather than constructive. When a post gets to having a negative tone, it becomes worthless, because now instead of sharing info, it turns into an argument based on what some person thinks about my post.

Folks, I have been writing posts and blogs for years, I KNOW when a post turns sour, and often times I know the cause of it.

So I go back and read the last two comments, one from a person that was actually giving a nice comment, a person that has read many of my blogs before. But the last one was from some self-righteous person who feels that in some form or theory, that ex felons deserve to be criticized because they made a choice.

To this person’s simple thinking, it is ok to persecute and pre judge a person if they made a mistake, because after all, we all know that ex cons never change….


I made a comment, knowing that it would only spark more negative comments, but I will be damned if I make a statement, and somebody with no other posts is going to have their only contributions to the group in negative response to mine. Start your own post and spit that venom somewhere else.

So it ticks me off when that happens, because when people do things like that, it completely undermines the intent, and true purpose of a prison support group. Let me spell this out for some people…PRISON SUPPORT.

Not prison condemnation, prison support.

That means that the people who come to this site are looking for hope, understanding and some peace of mind about somebody they care about. They didn’t come to the site to be brow-beaten by so called “righteous” folks who don’t seem to care about any ex felon in the world.

And what’s funny about that…nobody seems to care about these guys until its one of your own…then you’re on these sites too, reading posts and blogs through crying eyes, hoping somebody would help you…when you never cared for this genre before.

The problem with prison support sites is that often times there is so little help from people that have experienced this. More than 90% of ALL posts on these sites are made by people who have no real experience about prison…whether actually doing time, or life in prison or life after prison. So what most sites are made up of is questions and needs for advice. Nearly all of these answers are made by people who either looked online for some answer, or heard from somebody they knew that did time (or doing time). But almost none of the answer come from prime sources.

But when one DOES happen to start to contribute, there are always people in the support group that are prejudiced to their way of thinking. I mean, the idea of giving an ex con a second chance must be quite foolish to a person who thinks as simple-minded as to say “well, they made a choice”.

Do you realized how foolish that sounds?

Nobody reading this blog is perfect…should YOU be condemned for any faults you made, whether it resulted in you going to jail, prison or even if you got through it with no punishment at all. Lets not be foolish to think that the only people that break the law are those in prison. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes.

But when we do, there needs to be a venue for a man or woman who makes a mistake to try to make amends. But there are people, some who call themselves Christians, and some who participate in prison support groups, that would not lift a finger to help one.

When I write my blogs, I have two different modes of thought. One is when I blog for my sites, the other is when I write to post on a support site. There is a clear difference between the two. When I blog, I hold NOTHING back. That means when you read my blogs, I do not sugar coat what I say. I don’t kiss behinds of other prison support sites, and if I got a problem with it, I say it, no holds barred. But most times when I blog, I allow myself to get into great detail about a matter that somebody needs an answer to. Last week I posted several of my retro blogs on Daily Strength, and inside of a day or two, I had a few people email me about some issues, to which I emailed AND blogged about, to help them out. Since then I have not heard from them…not even a thank you.

Par for the course…it happens a lot.

But the overall idea is to help a person, not to criticize them or make them small. Now, if I am upset, I will talk about it…it is a blog folks, and it is what I do. But on prison support sites, I try to keep it constructive, positive and encouraging. When I share a blog, I do so believing that there are readers that come across it, and read it, getting something out of it. I know it works because every now and then I get folks saying how much they appreciated my blogs, and some ask for links to my prison blogs.

I try my best not to get upset at what some jerk might spit on my blog, but there are times where I cannot allow that to continue. This is because there IS a difference between “discussion” and “argue”.

To discuss means to hold both sides in respect, but to also remember that the foundation of the issue must hold form. This is a PRISON SUPPORT group, and as such, the discussions should be based on the idea that we who write are there to contribute and help. We are NOT there to tear each other’s ideas apart, go somewhere else and do that. The moment the issue is not about SUPPORT, it becomes an argument.

And a lot of these comments come from foolish pride. Some people want to do the “one upsmanship” on another person, and make a comment to criticize another writer. What ticks me off with this is that when you check their stats, you find that sometimes the ONLY posts they have ever made was on your own post. If you want to criticize my writings, how bout you write some encouraging posts first, and create a positive reputation for wanting to support, rather than criticize.

Some people wonder why I don’t share more on some sites, its because there are always people that feel like they are not happy unless they create friction on a site. I have written for over a dozen different prison support sites in the last 8 years, and I have seen what happens when people make unsupportive comments.

Again, if the site or group is about support, then GIVE support, not backlip. Anywhere from dozens to hundreds of people may check daily to see if there is one speck of hope they can hold on to, just to get through the day. When there are arguments, it solves nothing. If you want to argue, take it somewhere else. When I get really ticked off about something, I have the option to blog it out and talk as much as I want.

What is disappointing about this is that when people make criticizing remarks about ex felons and the foolishness of “they had a choice” they are indirectly talking to EVERY PERSON on the site…you are criticizing every mother’s son, every wife’s husband, and every girlfriend’s boyfriend.

Answer me this…how many of them do you know?

If you don’t know every person, and every circumstance…shut up.

Those same people who run their mouths about other people’s blogs have likely never made as much as ONE sincere post about prison issues. Have you ever talked about your loved one’s prison? What’s the food like? What does he buy in canteen? How much do you send him, and why? How often does he write, and what do you do to keep him encouraged?

What did you do when he got a writeup? Are you helping him write a parole letter? How about a probation letter? Did you help him with the grievance procedure? What do you know about the case manager? What did you loved one do on the yard, and for that matter, what do inmates do on the yard?

Do you have an idea what he will do, or wants to do when he gets out of prison? Are you prepared for his life after prison? These and numerous other things are available for you to talk about, or at least to ask someone’s idea on. But what do some do…they are too busy flapping their gums about self righteousness, and ironically, slapping the face of every reader on this support group looking for hope.

The foolishness of this is when a person talks about “well, they made a choice” they are saying that every person that makes a mistake and goes to prison does not deserve to be trusted…and yet you say this in the face of a prison support group, FILLED with people looking for hope.

Thanks a lot, I am sure there is a sweet place for you in Heaven for your so called gospel…or not.

The bottom line is this, if you are spending energy and typing skills criticizing somebody, flip that and try talking about encouraging things for a chance, and stop trolling on other people’s posts who are actually trying to help! I understand that we will disagree on somethings, but I don’t go around starting arguments on somebody’s post. Its like going to somebody’s house and trying to force them to believe what YOU want them to believe, on your terms.

And don’t be so stupid to think I am saying that EVERY ex felon is some cool guy and we should all embrace every single one of them with open arms and give them the fat of the land…I never said that, and if you criticized me based on all encompassing thoughts like that, you were sadly misled. There are people out there that deserve to be in prison, and some, if let out today, would be right back in tomorrow…BUT I SAID SOME!

Not every ex felon is like that, yet some people take one example, or two, and create an absolute, which is stupid. I have had one or two people say stuff on my posts under such foolish thoughts. And even if you thought that way…this is not the place for that. It is still called prison support…you support, not tear down!

A lot of people come depending on somebody being able to share information here, and a lot of those people are here because they could not sleep last night, or have not one idea what to do. This could be their only chance to get a foothold on overcoming this problem, and yet what do they find…people bickering like cackling hens.

I told myself that if I share stuff on sites, it would be with the theme that end the end, you CAN get through this. But to do that I have to share parts of my life, the good and the bad. I never said prison was cool, nor was it Disneyland, but I also don’t talk about the stereotypical stuff that you see on “Prisonbreak” or “Oz”. Prison is much more than that, but all the general public knows is the negativity. I cannot break that, but what I can do is try to address issues that might help you.

But for every post I have shared, there is 20 I don’t share…probably more than that. As I said before, I have easily written over 5000 pages on prison issues. It is not a hard thing for me to write a 20 page blog on prison rules, or the grievance procedure, or even something as simple as prison clothing. I can do that because writing is easy to me, but I do it ONLY if I think it will help some people. But the moment I feel that some jerk is there only to spit on a post they didn’t start, I have no objections leaving and going back to my personal blogs. I get a lot of readers and support there anyway.

So I say to anybody reading this, when you think about what to put on prison support sites, consider first that it should be about support, some attempt to help somebody, and some attempt to encourage others. If you have a question about a prison matter, ask, somebody might be able to answer it. If you have a particular discussion, start a post on it. But don’t jump on somebody else’s post to try to make your point, that is disrespectful and all it does is foul up the post into an argument.

As for me, I blog anyway, so whether I contribute another 50 blogs or none, I still have a place to write. But I didn’t come here to glorify prison or myself…I came to help, if allowed to do so.

Anyway, I have said what I can say, I hope the true readers of this prison support group understand what I have said. Until then…


Entry filed under: girlfriends with boyfriends in prison, God and prison, inmates, jail, LostVault, mothers with sons in prison, prison, prison abuse, prison blogs, prison books, prison cards, prison food, prison jobs, prison mail, prison pen pals, prison support sites, Prison Talk Online, Prisonbid, rehabilitation, son in prison.

#107 Prison talking: to criticize or to shut up #109 On Demand Prison Help (for hire)

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