#177 Fighting through negatives (retro)

May 13, 2010 at 3:05 am Leave a comment

Fighting through the negatives

It is just after 1pm as I am very, very excited about the beginning of college football (those of you that read my stuff know I am heavy into sports). I had not really planned on blogging on this particular issue, because I wanted to try to get some of you to consider my packages. I’d really like to get some of those going so I can start working on earning an income in prison writing, and continue to look for people who are willing to support my writing.

It is indeed important to find people that are supportive, because it does help me a lot. So I remind some of you to visit my booksite, the zazzle gallery or email me at derf4000 (at) embarqmail (dot) com to ask me how you can support my writings. Every bit helps.

Anyway, today was kinda interesting because I talk a lot about how important it is for you to stay positive while your loved one is in prison. But when I tell you these things, I am not forgetting that problems will still come. Being positive does not mean that no problem will come at you. You can do your best to keep your son or husband or boyfriend positive, but the problems of life can wear you down and strip away your defenses of being encouraging. If enough of that happens, you will begin to lose faith and start to focus on the problems, and lose the chance to bring faith and positive encouragement to your loved one in prison. And let’s not forget, he or she is really counting on that to get through.

But sometimes the weight can be heavy. I use myself and the last 24 hours as an example. Now, I am not trying to say that my life is worse than anybody else’s, I know there are many of you suffering through more difficult situation, but the idea here is to share with you how it is possible to get through it. Sometimes fighting the good fight of faith means enduring through the obstacles.

Yesterday I was kinda hoping to get some emails from some prospective supporters, and got a couple, which was pretty neat. Yesterday was a tough day around here because we were under a tornado watch until 5pm…and it was only10am.

You know it’s something when even the Weather Channel is talking about the possibility of a tornado in your own county…and city. I was a little concerned because the radar showed those storms headed directly in our direction. But later on, we started to lose signals of the televisions because of those storms. We have 3 televisions in the house with cable, and all three were temporarily knocked out…but the little portable tv that I used to watch the Olympics near the computer was working fine…

That is a possible warning to the problems we may all have when we go digital in 2009…analog signals are not that much affected by weather as the digital…so we are all putting our eggs in this basket…remember I told you this….

With the signals screwing up, I figured to pass some time by playing video games. About an half hour into it, mom comes to the living room where I am and tells me that there has been a tornado spotted in our county…and near our city!

I wasn’t too worried about the storms because as corny as this sounds, I noticed that most of the summer when bad weather comes, it usually breaks up around our city. It’s really weird but I kinda believed that God was gonna look out for us, and in all the storms we had this summer, we always got out fine. We needed the rain, so I don’t complain about getting thunderstorms. So I wasn’t really worried that we would get a tornado, and even if we did, I didn’t think it would get to us.

But when mom told me the tornado was indeed spotted near the city and possibly headed our way, I had to stop playing the video game and check the station. But when I looked, I noticed that yes, there was a tornado spotted, but it was NORTH of our city. The storm system was moving north anyway, so I told mom that we were in no danger of it since it was moving away from us. We did get rain, but we were ok.

Later on that night, about 8:30 I get a phonecall, wondering who would be calling, and found out it was a bill collector…for my student loans. (yeah, I owe money on that).

I had been trying to pay what I could, but let’s face it, spending time in prison and having a hell of a time trying to make an income does not help at all. I told them I would send something in, even if just a few dollars. It is embarrassing to be in debt and to owe, but until that changes, that is the best I could do. This was one of the reasons I really wanted to get these books and support going.

Later on that night I sat in my bedroom thinking about some things, and those storms came back with lightning, thunder and all that jazz. Throughout the night, I sat there in the dark trying to understand how to turn a profit with my writings. I knew I was doing the right thing because people are being helped, but I just didn’t know how to turn that into a good income to help ME. I didn’t want to go to bed discouraged, so I sat there and thought for awhile, just trying to find some peace. I think exhaustion came first, so I went to bed.

So today I figure I will go to the post office and then to the library, since it looks like as good a day as any to do it. I check the weather, and they said a chance of rain, so I figure I will try to beat the weather. I’m walking to I took an umbrella. But almost as soon as I get outside, the sun is out and I am sweating more than usual. Maybe it was because I put lotion on before I left, increasing the moisture on my skin. I walk about a half hour to the post office, almost dripping in sweat. I send a letter off, and as I come out and start to head to the library…it starts to drizzle.

I was ok with that, and along the way I was thinking about a situation that bothered me. I told you guys about how a Christian radio station stole my job from me by taking a program I created and gave it to the very guy I hired and paid. It was as close to the proverbial “stabbing in the back” as it gets. I was still upset about that, and I wondered if I was wrong for feeling that way. Make no mistake, I was done dirty after saving that station, but it wasn’t like I wanted God to “strike them down”. Still, I knew what happened was highly unfair, and wondered what God was going to do about it, if anything. See, it bothered me because if a fella does good, there ought to be a blessing, even if the people he helped spit in his face, since God sees all. I didn’t want to seem selfish, but who are we kidding, I need a break too.

By the time I get to the library and buy a Gatorade, I take a break in the front lawn of the library, and the rain starts to pick up. I get my umbrella and start to head for home, a 30 minute walk. I assumed the rains would break…but they didn’t. In fact, it got worse. Now I am in a downpour and my broken umbrella is doing the very minimum to keep my head and shoulders dry. But the sweat was just as annoying as I started to get soaked. I had to walk all the way home in the downpour, with my shoes soaked, my pants soaked up to my knee and my arms as wet. And with me sweating by the humidity, it was kinda uncomfortable.

But in all that, I didn’t side with the “what else can go wrong” mentality. I could have, but I was ok with it. Sure, I’d have to change clothes when I got back, but so what. At times there was a nice breeze, so I was refreshed, and hey, we needed the rain. I was fine other than being wet, so I just kept my composure until I got home.

When I finally got home, I found that mom was gone, and left a note. She ran some errands with my cousin, and the door was locked…did I have my key? Whether I did or not, I was kinda tired and my pants were so wet that I had to struggle just to get my hand in my pocket. So I decided to go around the back and see if she left the back door open for me…

(note to you guys…that isn’t the safest thing to do, but in our case it worked today)

I got in the house and changed out of the soaked clothes and cooled down before checking my email, hoping I got a few emails from people wanting to support my writings…nothing. Kinda hard to blog if there is no encouragement, so I thought about not blogging today. Not that it mattered so much anyway, lots of you need to catch up with my writings anyway.

But after all those obstacles, I still decided to blog today. Why? I didn’t get any positive emails today, no comments, no phonecalls from some rich supporter saying that they will send me a nice check. I still got bills to pay and still working on promoting my “Grades of Honor” books. Nothing has changed for the better, so why bother blogging and sharing this idea called hope?

Maybe it’s because deep inside, I have faith that it WILL get better. And faith isn’t about what you see, its about what you have your hope in. Lots of you have loved ones in prison and can’t see past the very negative stereotypes of prison and the depression in front of you. Even inmates find it hard to see past their incarceration, and the problems when they try to reenter society. I’ve been there, I know what that is like.

But folks, faith is enduring these things, whether small or large, and looking at a greater hope that is filled with joy, peace and enjoyment. Sometimes you have to kickstart that by looking for something positive. For me, that means looking forward to about 7:30pm tonight, when college football begins. That gives me a foothold in the chance that although things were rough the last 24 hours, it does not mean everything has fallen flat.

You have to believe that too. Even if you are not a sports fan, you can find something to hold on to. Lots of you focus way too much on the problem, and don’t allow any faith inside to look for something positive. I know some of you are in more difficult situations than others, but even in the worst cases, you have to have some faith.

Hey, we had a tornado in our county, not far from our city, but I had faith that we would not be bothered by it. Sometimes our faith in God will be a “wall” of protection from things that worry us…some of you with loved ones in prison need to strongly consider that.

Today I walked home in the midst of a downpour but was not bothered by it. Sometimes our faith is like an “umbrella” that gets us through trying times. In life we’re going to have problems, but you can endure it and come out none the worse for wear. Some of you need to think about that with a loved one in prison doing some time. You need to have some faith that he or she can get through this instead of worrying every hour and making fearful posts on those prison support sites.

Last night I get a “reminder” of how much I owe on my student loan. That always bothers people, but I have faith that it will be paid off. I have not won the lotto and my caller ID has not shown that Oprah or Bill Gates have called wanting to send me money. But I have faith that I am going to take care of that, and many other things. Sometimes faith means not getting discouraged when you don’t have the solution in your hand. Faith means that the solution is there and is on the way, even if you don’t SEE it. Lots of you need to consider that concerning situations of your loved one. We always want to have “proof” that things will be ok before we relax…but that is not faith. Sometimes it just means believing that everything will be ok for him in that prison.

Well, as I said before, life itself gives examples of how to cope with a loved one in prison. I never said it was easy, and I never said it would be without trials, but if you have a little faith, you can find the strength to not only encourage yourself, but your loved one in prison as well.

Well, I better go, time to get ready for the football games.


Entry filed under: girlfriends with boyfriends in prison, God and prison, inmates, jail, LostVault, mothers with sons in prison, prison, prison abuse, prison blogs, prison books, prison cards, prison food, prison jobs, prison mail, prison pen pals, prison support sites, Prison Talk Online, Prisonbid, rehabilitation, son in prison.

#176 Mother’s Day in Prison, pt 2 #179 Free time for writing (retro)

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