#185 How can U keep him positive (retro)

May 13, 2010 at 3:54 am 2 comments

How can you keep him positive?

There are a number of things I want to chat with you about today, and I may have to break it into a few different blogs, for a subject issue from a particular reader who emailed me. It is my intent to do my best to share what I can on particular prison issues so I can be of some help.

As I say that, I encourage some of you who read by are afraid to email me to consider getting in touch. These blogs are only going to be as strong as the support I get. Last night I said to myself, “I am not blogging tomorrow if nobody responds or if I don’t get support for my works”.

I meant it.

But today I get up, and check my email and I have some emails from people who are reading my blogs. As soon as I read them, I said to myself, “I have to blog”. If they took the time to email me, I owe it to them to help them if I can.

Which is where I am now.

I got an email from a reader who remembers my previous blogs (before depression forced me to remove them from the internet). She brought up something that I truly feel many other readers need to address.

How do you keep them positive in prison?

I won’t share her particulars, but in essence she went to visit him, and he was so depressed that he broke down and cried at the visit. One very touching thing he said that I know all to well…

“I want to go home”.

How in the name of God can you comfort a person who says that? If a person has any humanity inside of them, it would touch the deepest parts of your soul. What was she supposed to do when she sees her loved one broken down?

I want to address that…because I have been there.

Since I know my “Grades of Honor” books have not been on the best sellers list, I know many probably didn’t know that my first couple of books actually touched on this thought.

I made a post awhile back about crying in prison, and before I get any jerks with the “that’s what you get”, I REALLY suggest you stop reading because this blog is not about shoveling hot coals over somebody’s head.

To that person that emailed me about this, and to the many people who can put an “amen” to her situation, let me say this; don’t give in.

And that sounds simple, but we all know how hard it is. I have broken down MANY times while in county jail, and as some of you know, I attempted suicide more than once.

While in prison, I broke down a few times and cried. My second book covers that pretty well; even now when I recount it I get a heavy heart. The reader told me how bad he felt, and how he had a lot of beggars who asked him for stuff…I know about that too.

I know I gave away much more than I received, even though I had a hustle. Maybe I was too soft, maybe I had a kind heart, or maybe I was just foolish. But sometimes you wonder if your “charity” is actually based on atonement. Sometimes we give not because we want to, but because we feel that we owe it because of our faults.

And maybe that is part of the depression, because it falls on guilt. Now, I am not going to sit here and say that every inmate in prison feels that way, to be sure there are a lot of jerks in prison that NEED to stay there.

But there are in fact a lot of guys that screwed up, and want nothing better to just do their time and get a second chance at life. But often times that guilt and condemnation, with the conditions of prison life, can really break you down.

How can you change that so that you can help him?

Mentally and maybe spiritually, this is very possible, but physically, you can’t…

Or CAN you?

No, you can’t break him out, but physically speaking, there are some things you can do. The first is what you are doing right now, being there for him. Sometimes a cry can help more than you understand. Maybe he needed someone to pour his heart out to in hopes to get a grasp on his situation. Perhaps you were the only “release valve” he had, and as such, you, just by being there, allowed him to be human for just a few minutes.

When I broke down in the shower (as in my book), I cried and cried, hating life, hating myself, even hating God. But after a time, I had cried all I could. I had hit the bottom, and once you do that, you can only go up. That does not mean I was happy and joyful, because I was still depressed, but I didn’t feel as miserable as I did.

Once you find that point, you then can see that there is hope. There is a tomorrow.

For you on the outside, if your loved one breaks down, YOU have to be strong. He needs that from you. Even if you cry, that is ok, after all, we are human. But you gotta make sure that he understands that you are there for him, and you are GOING to be there for him. Give him a foundation that somebody loves him. Give him a reason to look for tomorrow.

Then, work on giving him hope. What does that mean? That means finding ways to encourage him, that means identifying what he would like to do, and nurture that. For example, if your loved one wants to start a business, then add your faith to it and see what it would take for him to make it happen. You don’t have to dive in the library and swamp yourself with all the details, but if you can show interest in his dreams, he would then believe that you believe in him.

I don’t like to use cheap advertising, but a person could send an encouraging prison card, or a prison encouragement certificate to lift his spirits.

Trust me, there are things you CAN do. You can do this. You have to.

He needs hope, and in prison, that is very hard to find. However, with you, it can be as abundant as the sunshine you bring him. Don’t give up on him, and don’t let his depression bring you down.

Well, I suppose I could say more, but it is a start. Remember to email me or make a comment, or ask me about my books and other products. My email is derf4000 (at) embarqmail (dot) com.

$5.00 Package:
Items: Cover letter and Brochure.
Rose Encouragement Certificate
1 Personally made card
1 Encouraging Thoughts document
1 Grades of Honor Flyer
Plus one extra item free

(please include $1 for shipping)

$10.00 Package:
Items: Cover letter and Brochure
Rose Encouragement Certificate
2 Personally made cards
Document, “When they take him away from you”
2 Grades of Honor Flyers
Encouraging Thoughts document
Plus 2 extra items free

(please include $2 for shipping)

$30.00 Package:
Items: Cover letter and Brochure
2 Personally made cards
Rose Encouragement Certificate
Document “When they take him away”
Document “Canteen”
3 Grades of Honor Flyers
“Grades of Honor” First project (77pages)

(please include $3 for shipping)

$50.00 Package:
Items: Cover letter and Brochure
4 personally made cards
3 different encouragement certificates
Document “ Broken Wings”
Document “Canteen”
“Grades of Honor” First project
“Grades of Honor” Second project

(please include $5 for shipping)


Entry filed under: girlfriends with boyfriends in prison, God and prison, inmates, jail, LostVault, mothers with sons in prison, prison, prison abuse, prison blogs, prison books, prison cards, prison food, prison jobs, prison mail, prison pen pals, prison support sites, Prison Talk Online, Prisonbid, rehabilitation, son in prison.

#183 Grades of Honor prison book 2 (retro) #186 Help me, my son is in prison (retro)

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. marianne5760  |  May 13, 2010 at 10:26 pm

    Please send me the address to send payment for your book and other items. What type of payment to you accept? Also, since I would like to send the book to my son is it a paperback book,Also, can the book be shipped directly to him separately if I pay for the shipping?
    Your postings are the only reason why I check my email. I feel you are able to answer all my questions before I even ask them.

  • 2. nolaw97  |  May 14, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    Thank you so much for your comments marianne5760, they are so appreciated. when you get a chance, email me so I can answer your questions, and any others you have. I am always very happy to answer questions from readers of my blog. If you wish, I would love to send you a free prison encouragement certificate first, so that you can see some of the things I am working on. At any rate, email me as you are able. Best wishes to you.


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