#193 Top Prison Blogs, ch 1

May 18, 2010 at 12:54 am Leave a comment

Top Prison Questions: Ch. 1

This might be something I can carry for awhile, depending on how steady I can keep it going. I was checking out my prison blogs, and on one of my blogs I can tell the number of times certain blogs of mine have been “hit”. So, it seemed to be a good idea to see what people are “hitting” when they come across my blog.

As you guys know, I blog off three current blogsites, and I sometimes share a few posts on Daily Strength…I am considering cutting back on that for a few reasons I can blog about another time. But I also used to share some posts on a site called Prisonplace, but something seems wrong with the site now, because nobody is able to access anything there…its kinda like a ghost town that is partially operating. No probs, I wasn’t going to share that much more there anyway.

But of the three blogs I put my stuff on, I can’t figure out Xanga…nothing is getting out there, and its not like I have not tried. For some reason, my blogs there are like me talking to the wall, so I don’t place as many blogs there as I do my other two, which are Blogspot and WordPress. Of the two, Blogspot is my anchor, which means every blog I write goes there first, and it means that site will have more of my posts than any of the other two. But WordPress gives me access to stats that allow me to track what posts are being read.

So as I am near 200 posts now, I think the Blogspot has all of them, WordPress has about 165 or so, and Xanga has maybe about 130, maybe less. I don’t get it, last time I used Xanga, I had readers, now only Casper the Friendly Ghost is reading it there.

Anyway, when I checked my blog sites, I like to see which of my posts are making a lot of noise. This is important because it will allow me to see what you are looking for, which may help me on the next blog I write. But with this being a new idea for me, maybe it will help to do this in a “top 3” fashion.

The idea here is to share with you the posts that I wrote that have been “hit” most often in the past week, and maybe add something to it. By doing this, maybe I can put a memo in myself to talk more about it on a separate blog, or to share some thoughts on it right here at the moment.

So, let’s share those top 3 blogs off my site from last week:

#3 Blog #86 When prison relationships fail.

When I see people hitting this particular blog, there are many things that go through my head. One is that a lot of folks might be afraid of a relationship going south with a loved one in prison. In fact, recently I have gotten a few emails from those wondering just about that very same thing.

Is there cause to worry? Yeah, I guess so. Lots of times people ask me if prison will change their husband or boyfriend or son…the answer is ABSOLUTELY. But the trick here is HOW it changes them. We assume that prison will make every inmate institutionalized, or like zombies, living the life straight out of Prisonbreak or Oz or some show about prison. This is not always true.

Yet in a relationship, this can be very stressful on a whole bunch of levels. Those on the outside worry about if their loved one will still love them, or if they can stand the test of time, or even worry about the demands their loved one puts on them. Lots of you know what I am talking about, when your loved one wants you to come visit them, but it becomes a financial stretch to do it, or putting money in their account, getting in touch with a lawyer for an appeal, the whole list of things.

But there are other sides of this too, and I suppose when people read that blog, they are concerned that a prison relationship they are in could fail. The failure could be on both sides just not able to continue the current relationship because of the harshness of prison; the inmate might feel like he wants to go in “a new direction” after he gets out, leaving the supportive wife or girlfriend high and dry, or the wife or girlfriend, might have gotten impatient and needed to pick up the pieces of her life and find a new man, leaving the husband with a divorce, or separation.

There’s no way I can cover all that in a few paragraphs, but to be sure, this is a major topic that many people are looking for answers to. Maybe sometime soon I can try to address that more sincerely.

#2 Blog # 146 Relationships in prison.

Hmmm, you see a theme here? A lot of people have read this blog, and likely the one before it, because there is a lot of truth to the difficulties of wives and girlfriends with loved ones in prison. Heck, a lot of prison support sites gear towards those two genres, the third being mothers with sons in prison. Between those three groups, I think at least 85% of all prison forums center around this group. It also is the reason why 99% of all prison support groups are made of women.

So you can understand why there is such a concern about the relationships they may have in prison. But you will notice there is a difference between this blog, and the one before it. The previous blog talked about failure…this one does not have it in the title.

Why is that important? Because not every subject has to have a negative signpost to it. I am not trying to imply to anyone that every prison relationship ends in failure, not at all. There are many people who support their husbands and boyfriends while they are in prison, and do a very good job of it too. Sometimes I feel good knowing that I am able to help, even if a little bit, with what I share, because it helps somebody get through the night.

See, prisons do absolutely nothing to help salvage relationships, it’s not designed to anyway. Prisons are made purely for condemnation…although by our country’s TRUE standards, it is also suppose to rehabilitate…something they do a very poor job at.

It doesn’t help that the stigma of prison isn’t so hot either, so inmates are often treated like the stepchild of society. This extends to the relationships these inmates have too. You just can’t put a value on how important it is for a guy in prison to see his girlfriend, or wife, after looking at inmates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year…for who knows how many years.

Trust me when I say this folks, you are a very pleasant experience when you take the time to visit your loved one in prison. A lot of guys might not say that, but I know they mean it. Your relationship with him is so critical at this very trying time, but I cannot be so ignorant to forget that while he is locked up, YOU still have to move on. That does not necessarily mean leaving him behind, but it does mean that the light bill still needs to be paid, right?

For that reason it is important for me to try to encourage you to hang in there, to have faith and strength, because you need it to deal with the daily trials of life. Its hard enough to have someone you love sitting in prison, but it can be much, much harder if you allow the stress to break you down. I hope maybe we can discuss more about prison relationships in the future, I am sure I have some retro blogs that I can pull out and share.

#1 Blog # 32 Should you send inmates money?

This is a very touchy subject. In fact, I can see where some of the searches on the blog are questions like “should you send money to prisoners if they are family?” and “should you send money to your boyfriend in prison if you cannot afford it?”

The second question is easy to answer…NO.

I mean, the query actually answers itself. If you cannot afford to send a person money…DON’T. A lot of people have a hard time dealing with this because there are just so many factors involved. How much money, how often, when to send it, what do they do with the money, is there anything he really needs to buy, all kinds of questions.

And then there are the mental questions like, “will he think I don’t love him anymore if I don’t send him money” and the thoughts that are unusually tied in to sending an inmate money. Then there are the questions of inmates who use other folks to get money.

There is no question why this is so “popular”. Many folks have loved ones in prison and they wonder why inmates need money, and if so, how much should you send. Again, the second query on this blog is very easy to answer…if you cannot afford it, DON’T send money.

“But what if he really needs it?”

Then you need to make a major decision…to give to your hurt, or to wait until you are in a better position to give.

There is no single dollar amount I can give on this question, because to say that means I know EXACTLY what your finances are. To one person, sending $100 a month is what they can afford…to another, $10 a month is all they can afford. To yet another, $10 every couple of months is all they can afford.

This makes the subject very hard to discuss, because there just are too many factors. I suppose this is why so many people have been reading that blog, and to be sure, I have not touched on every thought I had on that blog. But because this is obviously a serious issue, it might warrant me to step back and make it a much longer discussion at another time. We’ll see.

With those three blogs, I get an idea what people are looking for, and it might help me to see what can be done as far as future blogs. Maybe I can write a short story, maybe make some specific prison cards, maybe write a short document on the subject, or any number of other creative ways to try to help.

But whether I do that or not, I still encourage you to contact me, to ask about prison issues, or ask about my books, cards, or other items. Or, ask about supporting my blogs, I can always use the help. Until then…

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Entry filed under: girlfriends with boyfriends in prison, God and prison, inmates, jail, LostVault, mothers with sons in prison, prison, prison abuse, prison blogs, prison books, prison cards, prison food, prison jobs, prison mail, prison pen pals, prison support sites, Prison Talk Online, Prisonbid, rehabilitation, son in prison.

#192 Prison talk: The business end #194 Prison talk: waiver NOT

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